S E58: Boundaries & Blessings: Navigating Tough Relationship | Bite-Sized Biblecast

If you only have a couple minutes for scripture today, I got you.

Welcome to today's bite size Bible cast.

And I did an overnight blowout last night, and I'm not in love with it.

So we're just.

We're gonna roll with it.

It's fine.

Today we're looking at the good old golden rule, but we're not just gonna look at it.

We're gonna talk about some actual practical ways you may not have thought of to implement it.

So we are in Matthew 7, verse 12, and I'm reading in the ESV.

So whatever you wish that others would do to you, do, do also to them.

For this is the law and the prophets.

Now, this is another one of those that's like, duh.

Most of us who grew up even church adjacent, who even just like grew up in America, know the golden rule.

I feel like it's kind of permeated the cultural zeitgeist and has for quite a while now.

It's one of those things that loses its oomph because we've heard it so many times.

So let's kind of break it down and talk about how to actually do this as soon as.

Especially when maybe the person that came to mind when you read this and you have that little, like.

Not them, even those people.

Let's talk about how to do this with even those people.

First, it might be helpful to talk about what this is not what this does not mean.

So when we are looking to treat others, especially those who maybe we don't enjoy, or we find ourselves in an adversarial position with our abs, when we're looking at our abs, this does not mean that we are just giving them what they want, that we are just being trampled.

We are just taking abuse.

We are just the, you know, version of turn the other cheek that I grew up with, which is like turn the other cheek so they can slap that one too, which, fun fact is the case, but does not mean what you think it means.

Insert Inigo Montoya.

Anyways, okay, this, like, I don't.

Can someone give me some tips on how to use these overnight blowout rods?

Because this is just not working for me as I have learned more about who Jesus is, the cultural context of his life, and kind of reframed what I know of him through what I have learned about the culture at the time.

Different things that meant different things in the culture back then.

I'm saying the same thing a couple different ways.

I need some coffee.

Actually.

Pause.

I'm gonna get some coffee.

Okay.

There we go.

Got my little saffron, got my little dose.

Okay, now hopefully my brain will actually start working now.

But the more I've learned about Jesus and the more I've learned about the circumstances surrounding it, which impacts things a lot, cultural impact is absolutely huge.

And correctly interpreting situations, the more I've realized that Jesus is not telling us to just sit down and take it.

He is a lot more about, honestly, malicious compliance than simply taking abuse.

And you know what?

Offering up the other cheek so that they can abuse you on that side too.

Fun fact about this.

So in that culture where you slapped someone and with what hand basically correlated with how you viewed them.

So slapping them one way or was how someone would correct, like a servant or someone who is subservient or less than.

Whereas there was a way to correct someone with a little slap that basically said you viewed them as a peer.

So when you are offering the other cheek, when you are turning the other cheek, you are not going, hey, you hit me on this side.

You want to hit this side too.

You are going, no, no, I'm not less than you.

Let's try that again.

I am your peer.

Let's go again from the top.

Completely different.

Completely different from how we've been taught to view it.

Right.

Turning the other cheek is not about allowing people to abuse you, because that's just.

We're gonna.

We're gonna humble ourselves.

We're gonna just sink to a servant's place.

Being a servant and being a servant leader is completely different from allowing someone to look down on you.

This is a way of going, no, no, we are peers and you are going to be respectful to me.

Like, I will listen to what you have to say, but you're going to do it in a way that's respectful.

Okay, go again.

Like crazy.

So what we are reading here in the Golden Rule is definitely not just take abuse from people, just let people walk all over you.

Because you know what?

You would want people to kind of back off to you.

You would want to be able to say what you need to say.

So I feel like we as Christians, especially those of us who were brought up in this generation by the past generations, American Evangelical Church, we can kind of tend to view.

If we're going to be Christlike, oh, my gosh, my dogs keep eating poop.

If we are going to be Christ, like, we are going to have to just sit down and take it.

And that is not the case.

It's important to be able to recognize where our upbringing failed us and where the things that we were taught as kids and when we were growing up and when we were, you know, very vulnerable and learning the things that kind of formed our belief systems, that some of it is just not correct.

Now, the difference here, we don't want to go full like, okay, everything I've ever known is wrong.

We do not have to do that and completely, like, walk away from our faith because some things that we were taught were not correct.

What I want to encourage you to do is to dig in and learn.

Like this example of turning the other cheek, actually learning what things mean is so incredibly powerful.

And I am someone who has almost walked away from my faith, not just once, and digging in and learning more and leaning in and asking questions.

That is a normal and healthy thing.

And that is so incredibly valuable.

So let's talk about a couple different ways to actually love on people who are outside of our circle.

Specifically the people who kind of bring us some grief.

The people who maybe even are powerful people contributing to chaos right now.

Now, we've all heard you just have to pray for them, but that is much easier said than done.

I'm going to share with you something that has made a huge, huge difference for me in terms of being actually able to remember to pray for people, whether they are someone that I love, that I hold dear, someone that's just in my circle, or someone that is an op.

If you know someone's birthday.

Something that can be incredibly powerful is setting a little alarm in your phone every day for whatever time corresponds with their birthday.

So for example, my husband's birthday is October 26th.

That is an incredibly powerful thing.

I also have one set for my ex husband.

He does know about this.

So at 1:19 every day I get a little reminder to pray for my ex husband.

And there's a couple people that I have done this with over the years.

I actually got the idea from a friend of mine who was going through a brutal divorce from a very abusive man, and she would set an alarm every day to pray for him.

And that just not only is it so incredibly powerful outwardly to pray for people, because prayer is incredibly effective and it does work.

Now we of course have to kind of adjust our expectations to within God's will, within God's view of what needs to work.

It often doesn't end up operating how we would want it to.

It also does so much work inwardly to keep our own hearts soft.

And that is crucial.

The world is a chaotic place.

The world is a crazy, evil place filled with tons of evil people doing evil to each other, disappointing people, maybe people that you looked up to and you believed were something different than they actually are.

The world is full of disappointment and chaos.

It is so easy to let our own hearts become hard as a result of the world.

And so anything we can do to kind of claw back to some of that softness and really focus in on our hearts being like Jesus.

Even if the thing that you are praying for does not end up happening, just the act of surrender, just the act of choosing softness towards someone who has acted in a hard hearted way towards you, it is so incredibly worth it.

Another tip that can be very, very helpful is thinking through being thoughtful and intentional about the boundaries that you set with people.

This to more correspond to people who are in your life on a regular basis.

Especially for us millennials, especially for us people pleasers, recovering people pleasers.

It is so difficult to set boundaries with people.

It feels unloving and it feels unkind.

And there can be a version of boundaries that end up icing people out and that end up being kind of hostile.

I do not agree with that.

You have to be able to kind of protect the things that are important to you.

Even Jesus got to a point where he was like, okay, I'm going to wipe the dust off my feet and go to a different place.

Jesus did not give people endless chances when they were in personal relationship with him.

He would get to a point where if they were giving nothing back, if they were continuing to choose disrespect, if they were choosing to, you know, align themselves with disbelief and with evil actions, there would come a point where he would walk away.

Boundaries are absolutely biblical.

But we have the opportunity to be intentional and think about how our boundaries and how we implement our boundaries is going to affect the other person.

Now, I want to be very clear.

We are not responsible for other people's emotions.

We are not responsible for other people's salvation.

We are only responsible for how we can act to work towards the growth of, of everyone around us.

So there is a verse, let me pull it up.

So then let us pursue what makes for peace and mutual upbuilding.

This often gets translated to mutual respect, mutual edification.

But the word actually used here, let me pull that up.

So the word is oikodome, which definitely did not pronounce that correctly.

But it is the act of building up, edifying, the act of one who promotes another's growth in Christian wisdom, piety, happiness.

So it's contributing to someone's overall well being, not just the both of you respecting where the other one is currently at.

So when we are looking at how to handle any particular situation, we can think about and we can ask God to show us, that is the key.

We can ask God to show us because we don't have to come up with all of this off the top of our heads or from our own minds or even just from talking with those around us.

We can ask God, okay, what would lead to the building up of both of us here?

And that's not always going to be giving people what they want.

Think about it.

As a child, would it have been good if your parents gave you everything your heart desired and had absolutely no discipline whatsoever?

No.

It's also not good for parents to just shut their kids down all the time.

We can kind of think about the same, not dynamic, but the same, same kind of principle in relationships with other people.

Just because we're giving someone what they want does not mean it is the best thing for them, for us, for the relationship.

So we can pray and ask for discernment on how to handle any given situation in a way that's going to be beneficial to both us and the other party.

And sometimes the other party is not going to be receptive at all, in which case we kind of just have to look at protective boundaries and ways to still be kind, still show the love of Christ to other people, but in a way that isn't constantly opening ourselves up to damage.

Because that is absolutely soul crushing when you are constantly pouring out and pouring out and pouring out, and not just receiving nothing in return, but receiving damage, taking damage in return.

So what I want to encourage you to do today, break out your journal.

Think about maybe one or two names of people who are in your life right now that you could use some guidance on how to interact with them and then just open yourself up to the Lord.

I have a video all about listening prayer pinned to the top of my TikTok profile so you can go check that out.

I am looking at doing a more in depth probably podcast episode about listening prayer and how to do it.

So if you would like to get updates on when that comes out, make sure you go subscribe to my podcast.

The link is over in my profile.

But sit with your journal and ask God to show you how he would have you take the next step in this situation, in this relationship, in this dynamic, whatever the case may be.

Ask God to show you what would be leading towards mutual growth, what would be treating someone, how I should be treated.

Because we also don't always have the best idea of how we should be treated or how we would even want to be treated.

A lot of us have been mistreated and so we don't really have a concept of what good treatment even looks like.

Well, we are in relationship with the one who created relationships to begin with and so we can turn to him and ask.

So I want to encourage you today to break out your journal, do some listening prayer, ask God to show you what the next steps are in a relationship, and even ask him to show you how you deserve to be treated, what your baseline should be, what kind of treatment you should accept.

All right, that is all I have for you today.

Thank you so much for spending some time with me.

Make sure you follow for more share this video if you found it helpful.

Also, I would love for you to subscribe to the Triggered podcast with Rachel Grit.

All of these videos and more longer, more polished episodes get uploaded to the podcast as well.

So I would love to have you join me over there.

All right, I'll see you in the next one.

Bye.